In Remembrance: “Tsai Gor”
Most people addressed him as “Tsai Gor”.
Except these people would call him “Ah Tsai”:
Grandma, grand uncle, Aunt’s husband, Yung Gun Auntie, and Mother’s elder sister.
Not sure if mother did too.
Even more unsure if Auntie Lan of Wah Kei from across the street did.
Initially I thought he was called Tsai Gor because he was very generous, never said no when asked, just like the mythical character “Tsai Kung”. I remembered many borrowed money from him or took wine from his shop and put on tab, he would just let them, even addicts. But then later on Sister 1 indicated that she had heard from granny that father was pretty naughty as a kid so was nick named “Tsai Kwan”, which evolved into “Ah Tsai”.
But of course we all called him “Barbee”, which could well have been a borrow word from Portuguese. Later on we would call him Dad (Ah Ba) or Old Dad (Lo Dao).
In my mind he got 100 as a good person, good husband and father. He was hard working, looking after our shop “Hing Kei” where except for Lunar New Year Day, was open all year. Meanwhile he also served in Hing Kei Hong and later on Cheong Lei Hong. It was really tough to have to feed 7 kids (six after my brother passed away at around 4) and to manage things between wife and mother. Add to that the cancer treatment of our mom, the three years of remission, till her end, the toll was way beyond money. Therefore, I cut him some slack for rendezvous after mother’s death, ditto re smoking and gambling in greyhound racing. Even after he had remarried and later on separated until his final days in Prince of Wales Hospital, I dealt with it under the principle of “parent’s business is above our pay scale”. I chose to remember just his positives. Perhaps this looks a bit “ostrich”, but truth might bring more headaches! Man’s already gone; wouldn’t it be better to retain just good memories?
In fact, he left behind good teachings on life, rarely by words but by example. Just a couple sayings that I remembered. First one was “Never gamble”, ”for you could consume only so much opium, but could lose an entire street in a game”! Against the context of Macau‘s era of “Fu Lo Yung”, it was quite vivid.
The other saying was, “Save your gas for warming stomach”, which meant no to arguments. For over half a century these affected my life.
The effects of genes are even more inevitable.
He said many times that his hair was so thick and tough that barbers loathed to see him. Looking at him I wondered if I should believe. But then after I witnessed the same in my own life, I did; more convinced of gene’s power recently after seeing my younger brother!
Anyway, if it’s good for sanity, blame them all on genes: I too prefer shirts with pockets, clip-on sun glasses, love peanuts, and always tear bits off bread to eat!
I often wondered, had he not been born in that generation, sandwiched between mother and wife, shouldering the needs of seven children, he would have made a successful entrepreneur. For he had strong business sense and an openness to new things, often taking home latest gadgets such as TV, juicer, blender . . . even automobile. Initially Hing Kei only sold liquor but then cigarettes, biscuits, herbs, and even put in a sweet egg roll maker to attract customers. Of course, he imported large barrels of Portuguese wine, split them into bottles of various labels, selling from the same source to different shops at different prices, and that was brilliant!
He did his very best for his wife.
When she was receiving cancer treatment, he was really taxed financially, physically and emotionally. The three years before relapse was their golden years. I remembered they would take a morning stroll probably in Pine Hill or out in the harbour, went on to yum cha, to market and then dropped mother back home. There was a photo of her with a great grin even though holding heavy sacks from market taken at the entrance of our Palace Mansion flat. It was the rare happy photo I could recall of her but unfortunately it was nowhere to be found now.
After I went to United States shortly after mother passed away, sisters and brother looked after him, and some time later I learned that he remarried. I was happy for him. Seven years later when I was back in Hong Kong, he already had grand children and enjoyed being around them. And when my son was born, he was fond of him too. Once he came to Hong Kong and bought from Sogo a battery powered motorcycle for my son who loved it very much driving it and reversing it at home. I suspected that years later my son passed driving test at one try using a minivan had a lot to do with the practice as a kid!
“Tsai Gor” had a pretty predictable dress code. For hot days, it was Hawaii shirt; cooler months there would be long sleeve shirt and tie, with a jacket. At all times there would be more than two pockets for notebooks and pens. When it was cold, he would put on a pilot’s jacket like the Top Gun’s and paired it with a French beret (I tried to shop with him in Central’s Sincere). He once told me that the advantage of shirt and tie was that they protected your throat from cold! Irrespective of the medical theory behind, he did it ceremoniously. I distinctly remembered when our family of four took him and his wife to tour USA, he was videotaped sitting on the sandy beach of Waikiki, shaded by an umbrella, dressed with suit, tie and jacket, probably the first in the world to do that!
He was quite regimented with food too.
Daily in the morning, he would have a bowl of Char Siu Rice in Luk Kwok on Oct 5 Street, of course with a tiny dish of soy sauce always! In later years he would add a dish of steamed beef balls with soy pockets or watercress. At home he was literally addicted to steamed fish. Lap, Lion Head, sole, and garoupa he could eat repeatedly, especially in later days, when he would add some skinless chicken.
Most likely because of the Chinese diet over the years, he appeared to miss it, especially the warm dishes. It was exactly on the first day arriving at Hawaii, since it was not yet check-in time so we went to the Denny’s across from the hotel to eat something. Just happened that they had hot beef soup with chopped vegetables and Pearl Barley that tasted similar to Chinese West Lake Beef Soup. He was so happy! But it was just under twenty hours and three airline meals after Hong Kong!
This USA trip might well be the bright spot in his life because he could for the first time go to USA to see 3rd and 4th sister, the former’s daughter and the latter’s husband in New York, and the 2nd daughter, her husband and their son in Toronto. He checked off his bucket list and managed to get the USA green card before return. He even complained to me that he couldn’t remember which ID to use upon reentering HK!
I am really grateful to be able to accompany him because he could enjoy USA relaxed all the way to NY and Toronto, again looked after by sisters. It could well be his reward for raising us.
The details of the trip had faded, but I vaguely recalled that we went to Waikiki and Chinatown in Hawaii, then Disneyland in LA, capital DC and its Chinatown, ending in New York City.
I already mentioned Hawaii earlier, but I felt he was most happy at Disneyland. There the sun was fulsome and it was so warm that he, though ever careful not to eat cold stuff, had to get ice cream bars to cool down. Plus under the dreamlike atmosphere there mixed with youthful laughters, I felt like I saw the kid “Tsai Gor” (The photo is the proof. It was always placed on top of his TV set).
Finally, one thing I am most thankful for.
I once took him to Billy Graham Crusade in Hong Kong, hoping that he could get the Gospel message, that regardless of station of life and where one was, belief in Jesus alone without works would translate into forgiveness of sins and eternal life. Unfortunately we couldn’t get into the stadium and could only sit at nearby grass knolls for the entire thing. Perhaps because of all the distractions, he couldn’t come to faith in Jesus. But then later once Aunt’s daughter (she was the same one who led Aunt to faith) came back to Macau and shared the Gospel with him, he believed and accepted the salvation of Jesus Christ! I was elated! That didn’t end there. Later he found that in his apartment block perhaps on the 5th floor, there was a church which he could go to worship even with heavy rain! God really looked after him in details.
There could be doubts about his belief. But I can testify, his final words to me in Prince of Wales Hospital were in essence this, full of assured hope: “We father and son will see each other in a few decades”.
I drove home via the Tates Cairn tunnel to Happy Valley eyes welled up. My words once indoor were “no more father”.
Come to think of it, “the several decades” has almost run its course.
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (excerpt from the Bible, Romans 5:5-8, by Apostle Paul, New Living Translation)