只是問一下 (3)：他究竟在想些甚麼？

我只是問一下。
想問很久了。

在那些沉靜的歲月裡，他們究竟在想些甚麼？

摩西：仰賴岳父蔭庇的四十年間。
又是摩西：得悉自己無法進入應許之地到歸天的年日。
雅各：跛腳以後的日子。
約瑟：被囚牢獄那些年。

人們問：那麼，大衛跟拔示巴犯姦淫後，保羅到大馬士革的經歷，西門彼得聽見雞啼的那一刻，他們又想些甚麼？
嗯，大衛、彼得和保羅的失敗固然家傳戶曉，但至少我們可以從詩篇、約翰福音第二十一章以及保羅書信看到他們的掙扎，儘管所見不多。

可是，雅各、約瑟，當然少不了摩西，
呵，他們只是暗自嘆息！
雅各和約瑟或多或少在人生終結前稍得安慰。

但摩西呢？
讓我們來集中看他。
摩西從來看不到終局。

那些年間他的腦海想些甚麼？
懊悔是肯定的；畢竟他殺了人。更甚者是在以色列人眼前因動氣而未能尊崇耶和華，蒙責罰。

「悔不當初」肯定在他的思緒裡潛伏躍動。

還有羞愧？
寄居於岳父的帳棚，過著仰人鼻息的生活，難道無關緊要？
更何況當著數以百萬視他為領袖的以色列人面前被上主責備的巨大失敗？

為何聖經對於他八十年間內裡所承受著的爭戰如此沉默？
難道聖經對於人類思想上的掙扎以及他們處理掙扎的方式毫無興趣？
只對因信得勝感興趣？

對那些沉靜的歲月，摩西何以不發一言。
我不知道。

只是問一下。

Moses Views the Promised Land (Dalziels' Bible Gallery) [Anonymous Gift, 1926] (from Wikimedia Commons)

Just asking (3): what was on his mind?

I’m just asking.
Been wanted to all this time.

What were they thinking in those silent years?

Moses: forty years under father in law.
Moses again: after he knew he couldn’t enter the promised land till his death.
Jacob: all those years after he turned lame.
Joseph: years of imprisonment.

People say: what about David after Beersheba? Paul to Damascus? And Simon Peter after the cock crow?
Well, David, Peter and Paul are of course well known failures. But at least there are glimpses into their struggles, from Psalms, John 21, and epistles. At least peeks are there.

But Jacob, Joseph, and certainly Moses?
Boy, they swallowed every sigh!
Jacob and Joseph had somewhat a consolation towards the end.

But Moses?
Let’s focus on him.
Moses never saw the end.

What were going through his mind all those years?
Certainly regrets; after all he committed murder and failed to honor Yahweh before the Israelites.

 “What could have been” must have made residence in his psyche.

And shame?
Didn’t it matter to eat off the hand of father in law?
What about the gigantic sense of failure in front of millions of Israelites who saw him as their leader, to be rebuked by the LORD?

Why was the Bible so silent abut his internal turmoils and how he carried them in his 80 years?
Is it that the Bible is never interested in human mental struggles, nor their ways of dealing with them?
Just interested in triumph with faith?

Why isn’t a single syllable from Moses about those silent years.
I don’t know.

Just asking.