Surprised by Grace (30): Dealing with guilt
“For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.”
These words of the worlds’s most revered and prolific author capture the searing pain.
The pain of recurring guilt.
Man devised ways to deal with it.
Self imposed exile.
Alcoholic or drug addiction.
Suicide.
Three forms of the same: escapism.
Escape from “haunting”.
Three forms.
One strategy.
Same failure.
It never works.
It never heals man’s Achilles heels.
Isn’t it just possible that humans are wired to be recurringly haunted by own sin so that he would seek an effective sedative?
Is the creator such a cruel being as to pre-wire every fallen human being with the daily recurring sense of guilt to weight and wear them down?
The prolific author of the opening sentence of this piece committed adultery, and murder.
Although legally speaking in human court he was unconvictable.
It’s kind of like the pre-97 situation that “the Crown cannot persecute the Crown.”
And the latest, “SAR Government cannot be prosecuted by the AG”.
Human court that is.
But the searing pain from recurring guilt is not handed down by human courts.
“For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.”
It is followed by:
“Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.”
It’s before the Creator.
And the creator wants to open your wounds recurringly and daily?
He is sadistic?
Or perhaps there’s a good reason for daily searing pain felt by sinners like this prolific author.
That is, it drives the hopeless to hope!!!
When it reaches the point that one’s daily reminded of one’s sins and vulnerabilities, there’s only one way out:
“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.”
Something contrarian is at play.
Theology wants to release people from guilt.
Self-Help philosophy wants to unshackle guilt.
Religions want to become the middlemen for dealing with guilt.
Only faith and relationship with the true God will turn people towards God, daily or whatever, so long it works!
No wonder it’s preceded by a call to the God who knows and cares:
“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion ….”
The recognition is about what kind of God He is, not how good a person is.
God is merciful and full of compassion.
“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.”
There’s a possibility that the daily recurring reminder of one’s inequality is meant to lead one to call upon the merciful and compassionate nature of God.
It’s the only way out.
However painful it appears to be.
However counter intuitive to forgiveness it appears to be.
However regular it requires sinners to confront their sins.
Of course, teaching that says one is once and for all cleansed, second chance starts now, and no more laden with guilt is very attractive indeed.
Trouble is, it’s said,
“For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.”
Day and night.
That’s human reality.
Ideology doesn’t release.
Neither does theology.
Certainly not self help psychology.
Only the word of God can.
Though it reminds.
Day and night.
The surprising thing is, only this cry for help recognises the conundrum and it’s only way out:
Recognise one’s sin and guilt, call for help, and count on His grace.
“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.”
Take it from a convicted sinner.
Be surprised.
For completeness, the NLT version of Ps 51 is excerpted below:
For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time Nathan the prophet came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,
teaching me wisdom even there.
7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.
16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.